Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
