I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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