i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
