Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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