and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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