So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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