wanna go halves on a baby?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
