i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
