yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it's like heaven, but drunker
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Are my feet made of real feet?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
