I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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