stop calling my apartment porn island.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
