my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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