A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
