I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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