omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
