dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
