we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
