I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
