Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
false alarm, still single
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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