You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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