im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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