there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
