so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
