I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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