he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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