she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
