Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i think we sleep fucked last night...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
