Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm passing your future prison.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
