i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
