Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
