totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
well, you know. whores of a feather.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
