you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
