Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
