Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
