just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
