Pappa wants mamma naked
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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