I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
