But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
