So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
