No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
