at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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