I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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