This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
