Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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