dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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