My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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