True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
