Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
