Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
