lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
