I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
