capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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