4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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